This is one in a series of five lessons presented by Travis W. Lewis in 2010. Each has been revised in outline form with intent to facilitate ease of reading and comprehension. Opinions expressed in these publications represent those of the author alone and not necessarily those of any organization or individual with which the author may be affiliated. Armed with only private prayer, intense study, decades of teaching experience, continuous observation, and a satiating desire to leave behind some truths learned at great expense, the author claims no professional training in marriage counselling.

MARRIAGE – WHEN 1+1=1

By: Travis W. Lewis

Lesson 2 of 5

[CLASS TURN TO GENESIS 2: 23-25.]

1) INTRODUCTION

a) This is the second session of a series during which we delve into the Biblical origin and reasoning which support the marriage vows, along with various grounds for the argument that neither are to be taken lightly.

b) Hopefully, we can reinforce the concept that, by entering into Biblical marriage, we not only vow to one another, but also pledge to make the relationship what God originally intended the marriage of man and woman to be.

c) In this lesson, we move to the reasoning, sincerity, and permanence of the marriage institution.

d) This lesson is intended to reinforce our understanding that God’s intention for marriage is for its commitment to last a lifetime and to realize our need for the security which such a commitment fosters.

e) I realize that it may be easy for each one of us, as we age, to entertain the thought that, “I understand all this; I’ve heard all of it before, and I agree; and I have no need for these lessons.”

f) Maybe so to some extent, but we tend to forget the value of what we have if we don’t periodically review its worth. And, as we neglect to review and sense an appreciation of its value and to give thanks, we begin to devalue it and simultaneously fail to maintain it.

g) So, as we review the worth and weightiness of marriage, let’s return and focus again on some of these Scriptures that we’ve heard so many times.

h) We begin in Genesis, the first book of the Old Testament, then go to the last of the prophets, Malachi, then finish with the words of Jesus Himself as recorded in the Gospel according to Matthew.

i) So, as we begin in Genesis 2: 23, closely notice verse 24 because that’s what we’ll key on in this first section.

[CLASS READ GENESIS 2: 23-25.]

2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. (24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (25) And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

2) WHEN 1+1= 1

a) We must assume that God had the capability of making a completely different person from “scratch” and of another gender separate and apart from Adam.

b) But there is significance in the fact that He chose not to do it that way.

c) “WO”, being the prefix to “MAN”, translated meaning, “taken from”, “separated from”, yet remaining part of one another.

d) Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. [CLASS REPEAT.]

e) QUESTION: What meaning do you understand the phrase “to become one flesh” to have?

i) That some definite changes will be made to their present relationship; until now, we may have been two separate individuals, maybe with different goals and aspirations, i.e., “what has been mine remains mine and what has been yours remains yours,” but from this point forward, whatever belongs to one, belongs equally to the other.

ii) He or she may have other individuals to whom they have a close, personal relationship, but none as close or as intimate or of the same nature as this one.

(1) “Whether Dad or Mom, siblings, children from other relationships, lifelong friends or whomever else – from this point forward, none are as close to me as you. We are one flesh.”

(2) If we were to become “one flesh”, when I said, “I take you, Kay Nowell, to be my lawful and wedded wife…. in sickness and in health, etc….”, then was I not saying, “All of what’s mine now becomes yours also — all my liabilities of every kind, all my assets of every type, I now join in equal partnership with you also. We are one flesh.”.

(3) “When you hurt, physically or emotionally, I’m willing to share it with you, and when I’m in dire straits, I’m trusting you to be there with me also, because, from this point forward, we are one flesh.”

(4) “Whatever goals I set will be shared with you, and whatever goals you set will be shared with me, and if we can’t share those goals, then we will meet somewhere between, or we simply won’t make them; because, from this point forward, we are one flesh.”

(5) “Whatever earnings that either of us gain, or whatever either of us lose, will become gain or loss to us both, because, from this point forward, we are one flesh.”

(6) “And ‘being one flesh’ means infinitely more than just a romantic union, but “we are sharing all of each other’s physical, material, emotional, and spiritual needs.”

(7) “In summary, everything in my life will now be rearranged to nurture this new relationship, because from this point forward, we are one flesh.”

f) I am fully convinced that, if more couples who are about to enter the marriage relationship would concentrate more on the things that will affect the marriage and less on things that will affect the wedding, both individuals, and both of their extended families would fare much better long after the wedding celebration has become history.

g) Then, in verse 25, the purity of the relationship between this first man and woman is evident in their absence of shame.

h) The term “shame” is an interesting term. “Shame” is the emotion felt when we sense that we have failed in meeting a responsibility.

i) In my “substantiated” opinion, this has been a major contributor to the problem within failed marriages, followed closely by the gross immorality that pervades, and is generally overlooked and encouraged by, our society.

j) In failed marriages, one or both parties refuse to understand or accept the responsibility incumbent on each other, thus no shame is felt in the divorce when the marriage doesn’t work.

k) So, regardless of the hurtful nature of the shortcoming(s), if responsibility can be unloaded within the privacy of mind, there is no sensed shame or guilt, and when no shame or guilt is borne by the human conscience, be assured that the resulting choices eventually become costly and hurtful.

l) It is the way in which we were created and is as immutable a part of natural law as the force of gravity.

m) Then, at least a few millenniums passed. Man had largely replenished the earth; through Abraham, God had chosen a nation of people that He specially favored and through whom He would set a pattern of how He would deal with them in the future.

i. He had given to His chosen people a written set of commandments through Moses; He had given them kings like David and Solomon and many other leaders, some righteous and some not so righteous.

ii. And, just as often as they would stray from His commandments and choose their own way, they found themselves in hopeless and miserable straits; and, just as often, He would allow them to genuinely repent and return to Him.

iii. As centuries passed, God would send judges and prophets to warn His people of the terrible life of misery that invariably awaits those who forget Him; yet, in time, they would again stray into their own ways, relapsing into hollow worship and immorality.

iv. Yet, at last, along came the prophet, Malachi, through whom God began to speak to them yet again.

v. So, let’s look at this lesson as Malachi relays it to God’s people and as He calls out one sin in particular which He finds especially disgusting.

[CLASS READ MALACHI 2: 13-15.]

2:13 And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering anymore, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. (14) Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. (15) And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore, take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

3) COVENANT CONNECTION

a) In paraphrase, “You, my people, have come to the point that even though you come with the intent and assumption of worship and to give of your offerings, they mean nothing to me anymore.”

b) Like the Israelites, our generation may ask, “Do our worship and our offerings no longer mean anything – really? How can you say that?”

c) And, I can hear God’s reply being, “Well, just to mention one – you have made adultery and divorce commonplace; you think nothing of betraying trust and leaving your wife or husband and living outside of marriage with, or of marrying, another, even when adultery was not the issue.”

d) And you ask, “What’s so wrong with that? I deserve to be ‘happy’.”

e) The reply may come, “And I remind you that I designed the institution of marriage into man’s architecture that you may understand responsibility and genuine love and fidelity; that is still the semblance of which was breathed into your nostrils when you became a living soul – responsibility, self-sacrificing love, fidelity.

f) And the discipline of all three, each of which you owe to Me, is exemplified in the institution of marriage.

g) Yet, you have ignored and sought to redefine all that, though I have neither revoked nor changed that which was innate to your design so you may have the opportunity to be ‘happy’.”

h) QUESTION: Remarkably, is that not the point at which the Lord’s people generally find themselves today?

i) So let us move forward a few hundred years from Malachi’s prophecy to the teachings of Jesus, Himself.

[CLASS READ MATTHEW 19: 3-12.]

19:3-12 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? (4) And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female. (5) And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? (6) Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (7) They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? (8) He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. (9) And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (10) His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. (11) But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. (12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

4) LIFELONG COMMITMENT

a) The Pharisees had come to Jesus, as was common for them to do, attempting to prompt Him to dispute the teaching of the Law of the Old Testament.

b) And one of those questions was on divorce, “Is it okay for a person to put away his or her spouse for any reason?” (Example: “irreconcilable differences”)

c) And Jesus answered in what should be no uncertain terms to us:

i) For one Biblical reason, and one alone, is a person justified in choosing to break the bond that both have taken in marriage – the severance being when the spouse has committed adultery and broken the trust contained in his or her vows, and the guilty party isn’t willing to cease and repent.

ii) The intended permanence and lifelong commitment of marriage is the logic that supports its sincerity

iii) The laws of mankind allow various avenues through which we may acquire a legal divorce, legal separation, annulment, or possibly other manners to legally manipulate or sever the relationship assumed when the wedding took place.

iv) But God allows only two clear exits from the marriage vows – one being death, the other being the infidelity of one or both spouses. And, even when infidelity is involved, with genuine repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation, all bathed in mutual prayer, the union may be restored, and the joy of marriage restarted as on the day when they became one.

5) CONCLUSION

a) This has been my understanding of the guidelines of Holy Scripture on the institution of marriage, and we are well advised to take care with our reinterpretations or alibis.

b) Since society in general has come to accept and legalize immorality in so many forms, the church, just as Israel was enticed to choose, has followed suit.

c) With the relentless drive to expand the number of pews filled on Sundays, along with the monetary proceeds those efforts produce, seldom is sin called by its “first name” – sin. Being unaccustomed to rebuke, attendees are easily offended, which prompts consideration to locate another pulpit before which they can sit and listen without the pain suffered from having been reproved.

d) So, infidelity in its many forms is seldom defined and condemned; homosexuality has become too personal to mention; the mention of abortion versus the sanctity of human life beginning at conception may hit too close to home for some family who may have just made the choice to kill their helpless offspring; or, sale and even casual use of intoxicating drink or other stupefying substance may chase some individual and family off to another congregation.

e) Breach and permanent annulment of the marriage vow, which was once assumed before God and friends to endure “until death do us part” has obviously become so common that many teachers and preachers alike no longer deem it worth a mention.

f) Because when the offended party or family leaves, so goes their tithe and offering, along with their tally on a record that would have been attractive on a future resume.

g) The mere mention of – much less elaboration on – such abominations has become almost taboo to society in general as well as those who stress the importance of “being at ‘church’ every time the church doors open. I must suppose it’s the same with most teachers and ministers since we seldom hear it from pulpits or teaching desks anymore.

h) Yet, with all that, a marriage that has endured is still honorable, its adherents are still happy, and God is still pleased because at one time, the sum of one plus one became one.